Monday, May 30, 2005

Out of town

I'll be in Arizona for a conference until Sunday. I may post if I get the chance.

In the meantime check out the book of a good friend of mine. It's called Fire Me, Please! 101 Ways to Get Fired from Your Miserable Job



Read about it in Intake

Buy it at Amazon.com

4 Comments:

Blogger Ms. Cuckoo said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

May 31, 2005  
Blogger Ms. Cuckoo said...

Yeah, this book or at least its name has caused several absurd conversations between CHASED (European self-empoyed, owner of online-pub on certain server) and AONYX (worker in typical large IT company in Northern California).

WORKING AGREEMENTS, RESTRICTIONS AND FORMAL POLICY

CHASED: My friend’s friend has written some book on 101 ways to get fired or something
AONYX: Here in the US, #1: bring a gun to work and kill your co-workers, guaranteed to work
AONYX: Prob. it’s not in the book
AONYX: Steal the companies salary listing and email it to everyone at work, I think that one's been tried, too. Why do you like your own job at all?
CHASED: All the friends I have made there, they also send checks even if I am not working at all. See, it asks nothing of me - open the room and do whatever you want.
AONYX: Well, except show other living things, or excretion, or... Other than that, u can do anything you want
CHASED: Well, I don’t need to do that. There actually more things NOT to do than to do.
AONYX: Everyone needs to excrete, u know. Admittedly, not on camera, but...
CHASED: Well, I didn’t claim this to be a part of your job. Do you have this point in the agreement?
AONYX: I will check the contract tomorrow. I'm not allowed to surf the adult-oriented sites at work, I know that, it’s fairly common in big companies
CHASED: You should have this excrete thing in the agreement in the case if you decide to do that at work publicly. Who knows, maybe you’re a freak and this thing could get in your mind. They should have thought about it.
AONYX: Heh, there are probably a few who would like to excrete on the bosses desk
CHASED: You see? So, they have to have this point in contract. Or this....” NUDE PERFORMANCES BEFORE A LOCAL PUBLIC AUDIENCE, SUCH AS NUDITY PRESENTED BEFORE A WINDOW WHICH IS VISIBLE TO YOUR NEIGHBORS OR PASSERSBY, IS ALSO STRICTLY FORBIDDEN.”
AONYX: lol
CHASED: But your bosses have no idea, they take it for granted that it won’t come to your mind, but one never knows…They don’t have this point in contract, thus, you are allowed to perform in front of the window. So, working agreements are very very incomplete.
AONYX: I am certain that excretion of the bosses desk is not explicitly forbidden. But the company lawyers could find something, I am sure
AONYX: Actually, dropping my trousers is probably sufficient grounds for termination irrespective of whether it includes excretion. That’s outside of the obvious facilities for such purposes
AONYX: I remember laughing because office furniture is not supposed to be used for giving massages to your co-workers. Presumably due to possible sexual implications
CHASED: You see, they have thought of that!
AONYX: Actually, someone probably got in trouble for it and then complained that there was not formal policy against it
CHASED: Zactly what I’m talking about. So, now you make the next step

May 31, 2005  
Blogger Ms. Cuckoo said...

GIVING GOOD ADVICES

AONYX: So, has your friend shared any of the techniques with you?
CHASED: This book won't help anything the miserable dorks who are "miserable at work". I have tried to give these funny advices to so many people in different situations - the only answer I ever got was "I can't do so!!!!!" Well, why such surprise one is miserable walking that way then?
CHASED: Remember, I told you about a guy who called me and the other girl simultaneously 100 times a day? That other girl couldn’t stand it anymore and asked what to do
AONYX: Sure
CHASED: Well, I shared some techniques - I proposed - tell him you don’t speak English
CHASED: Or say fire has started at your place and you have to run
CHASED: Of course it’s bullshit, but it’s easy and funny. And works!!!! At least one can use the confusion of hearing something so stupid to run.
AONYX: lol
CHASED: Well, if the person DOESN’T understand any human reasons… you have to just get freaky too
CHASED: You think she used that? *sigh* She only said I CAN’T and kept suffering from his calls
AONYX: She could dye her hair and pretend she is someone else, but still show up on camera in her old place. Maybe he would get confused...?
CHASED: Also good idea. Or she could buy a wig. Well, even if he wouldn’t, its fun!
AONYX: Yes, and dark glasses! And just keep typing "No no she is no here” in broken english
CHASED: My other friend complained her husband told her his friend is cheating on his wife. He was pissed off she wasn’t worried about that
AONYX: Her husband was pissed that she wasn’t upset?
CHASED: Yeah! I proposed - ok, you call that guy… No, you better come to his house and ask “WHY THE HELL DO YOU FUCK THE OTHER CHICKS?????????” Take a gun or something with you
AONYX: lol, sure. People respect you when you have a gun
CHASED: Or call him every 10 minutes to ask the same thing. Whatever. But after that her husband would think twice before asking stupid things
CHASED: Yes, she was wondering - why should it be her to worry about it
AONYX: So, I understand this guy, I think
AONYX: It's one of the reasons people gossip. He wanted her to be indignant and offended, he would agree with her and then he would be reassured that she's not the type to cheat
CHASED: Whatever are his reasons - the best act is the ridiculous one. So, you have fun yourself and you get away from the stupidity around
AONYX: I suppose she could have asked for his phone number
CHASED: Sure, and then could have called. That’s what I would do
AONYX: 101 ways to get divorced
CHASED: Nope. Weird behaviour will never get you divorced
AONYX: Hah! That depends on your husband
CHASED: Nah, your husband will never divorce you just because of you being weird. He will keep you just out of interest - to be first to know what else tricks are you able to do. But that’s about normal husband with the sense of humor and philosophical look on life. Well, one had to choose this kind of husband. If not – who’s well responsible?
CHASED: But well, I give you a good advice – don’t give advices, it never works with people.

May 31, 2005  
Blogger torporific said...

I am confused. I'll have to digest that when I return home.

May 31, 2005  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home

|
Banner eXTReMe Tracker