Saturday, March 18, 2006

St. Patrick's Day

When I was a kid growing up in rural Indiana, St. Patrick's Day was a day where one wore green or he got pinched. That was the extent of it. I came from Protestants--Baptists and don't ask me how that happened because the matriarch of our religious family is Italian, but anyway, I never associated drinking with the holiday.

I married into an Irish family. By the volumes of parties, I think St. Patrick's Day falls just behind Christmas in their ranking of holidays. It's not just my wife's family either, I work with a guy whose surname begins with Mc----- and he takes an the entire week of work each year around the holiday.

Each year, the drinking starts before the parade and goes well into the evening. My 78 year old father-in-law hangs with the best of them, but of course, he is in good practice because he drinks like it is St. Patrick's Day every day.

I had a deposition at 3 pm and a brief due by the end of the day. I made it to the bar by 5 and pounded beers just to catch up. My wife's cousins and brothers were there as well, which can get confusing as all of her brothers and male cousins share three names--James, Patrick or Michael. Anyway, my brother-in-law is an ex-college football player and is quite a bit bigger than me and just about anyone else. He has a 10 year old son and is the coach of his peewee league baseball team. He knows I played baseball and not football when I was younger, so in his eyes, I automatically know more about the game than he does. He asks me to help coach the team. At this point, I have had so many beers I can barely speak, so I just say yes. Now, I am coaching ten year old boys baseball. I am kind of nervous. I am not around ten year olds that often. I have no filter on my mouth. I can see myself saying "shit, piss and f-ck" around these kids. My brother in law still has his defensive lineman body, so he told me I am going to have to demonstrate how to slide to these kids. I just hope I don't throw my back out.


Blogger Jim said...

I married a fine woman of Irish folk as well. And yes, the kinfolk have a history of being able to hold their liquor quite nicely. Although I have not a drop of Irish blood in me, I feel Irish enough that on St. Patrick's day, I wear a t-shirt that says "Irish By Marriage." I also get asked quite frequently if I'm Irish because I wear a claddagh ring that my wife bought me in Dublin. Plus, I think that House of Pain's debut album is the sh*t. ;) Word to your moms, I came to drop bombs.

March 18, 2006  
Blogger Invisigirl said...

wtf? wife? doooooooooooode. I think you've forgotten to tell me a few things. *sniffle* some friend YOU are...

March 20, 2006  
Blogger torporific said...

So the affair is over?

March 20, 2006  
Blogger Invisigirl said...

Totally. I'm calling off the sham-wedding and everything.

You can honeymoon in Cuba on your own!

March 22, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, so is this a trend for you, Ex-Publius-X to forget to tell about your wife... Unlike you, I am going to present my husband to every single one of my internet affairs! All of them.

March 26, 2006  

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