Monday, June 25, 2007

Paris shall rise again

Our national nightmare will end tomorrow. Paris Hilton, national merit scholar, amateur poet, and the social conscience of Southern California--oh hell the world--will finally have her persecution end tomorrow with her release from a Los Angeles jail. I am thrilled that my hunger strike will finally come to an end.

Paris has promised that she will leave the jail a better and more grateful person. I got to tell you this is a new Paris. That five thousand dollars she earns in appearance fees at parties will really be put in perspective for this little lady. She might even stay a few extra minutes. Maybe she will donate a few bucks to some prison reform organization. Or she can hook up with Angelina Joile and take up some obscure African country as a cause. When Paris puts her mind to something the sky is the limit.

I can't wait to see her on Larry King live. I am just thrilled Larry could make time for Paris given Larry Burkhead's schedule on the show. ABC and CBS don't know what they are going to miss by turning her down. It is going to be Shawshank Redemption meets Gucci.

So Paris enjoy your freedom. Please just walk a straight line. How else is our nation to stay on track without your guidance?


Blogger Butchieboy said...

Thank God. Finally we can out this behind us.

June 25, 2007  
Blogger torporindy said...

yeah, at least she keeps anna nicole's corpse out of the news.

June 26, 2007  
Blogger Timmy said...


June 26, 2007  
Blogger lemming said...

Can't we leave her in jail? I strongly suspect that a "donate to pay the expenses to keep Paris in jail' fund would attract a LOT of donations...

June 26, 2007  
Blogger Nölff said...

I'd hit it.

June 26, 2007  
Blogger Moulton said...

Paris can link up with Martha Stewart and Scooter Libby to launch a prison reform movement for minimum security prisons.

June 27, 2007  
Blogger Moulton said...

OK, so Scooter Libby is out of the deal. Bummer times.

So it goes.

July 10, 2007  

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