Tuesday, May 1, 2007

We're Number Nine!

I could hardly contain my excitement today. After routinely seeing Indianapolis by passed on several top ten lists for various categories I finally saw we made the top ten in something. Yes folks your beloved Circle City is the ninth most polluted city in the United States. Our gritty neighbors of the Midwest--Cincy, St. Louis, Detroit, and Cleveland-- all made the list. Way to represent my Midwestern brethren!

What can we say? Here in the Midwest we like to build things and factories make pollution. We also like to drive. Especially here in Indy. Mass transit? Car pool lanes? Bike Lanes? Those are just trends and we Hoosiers don't have time for it. Now if you want to build another highway you got our attention.

I was so excited I had to leave work early. To celebrate I filled my gas tank before 6PM and then promptly went home to mow the grass while the sun was up. Heck I thought I should go look at gas guzzling Hummers. Even though the dealership is only a couple of blocks away I thought it would be a good idea to drive over there. Ten miles per gallon? Sounds good. Maybe I can pull something behind it at all times to get that baby down to eight miles per gallon. That will sock it to the man!

Maybe the Indiana General Assembly will lay off those poor suckers who like to smoke. Another tax hike to smokers to pay for health coverage? Sounds great. Now all you factories causing the pollution and in turn making Hoosiers sick promise to be better. Okay? Thanks. Here's some more corporate welfare.

In all honesty, we have the population now. How about light rail? How about some real solutions? What's that? Gay people might get married? Shoot let's worry about this crazy pollution next year. You guys can hold out another year, right?

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